Perhaps it is my excitement to go home and for the gaiety I know I am going to or perhaps it is because I woke with the fragrance of fall- of harvest, dying leaves, festivals, hats, mittens and scarves freshly brought out of storage, and hot meals- pervading my apartment, yet whatever the reason my heart is full today.
Saying good-bye to friends is always sad but the tears are not bitter sweet, they are somewhere in between the two. If coffee is bitter and chocolate is sweet then it would be like drinking a mocha. If vinegar is bitter and sugar is sweet then it would be something like soy-sauce. It is a sadness that aches and a hole that is void, yet when your heart leaves in pieces to go where their hearts desire you can not mourn for them even if you want to- they are happy to go even when they are sad.
As I think back on the last couple years I am blessed to remember times of fellowship so shallow in appearance yet so deep while the hearts of the people laughing boisterously over nothing and talking animatedly about everything were being knit together in a special way only their gleaming eyes could accurately describe to you. Friendship itself is so much more than it seems and so much less than is needed but when Christians truly break bread with love it is a sight to behold- it is a piece of heaven to be sure.
I will miss it.
I do miss it.
For all our lonely times (for all of mine) I also have memories that bless. Even more, when one time of blessing ended God has been faithful to bring another. When Sojourners Cafe ended, The Book & Bean started. When we left our friends in St. Paul, we were brought great friends in St. Cloud. Now, as more friends leave us I am sure to look forward to an even better future. Baby steps towards the future.
Ah, for the smell of fall in my cool apartment while I pretend the sun shining through the wind blown maple outside my window is just warming the cooled air and not making hot the muggy unbreathable stuff really outside my quiet abode. To spew words as if they were pennies, easy to come by abundantly, knit together from a single thread of thought by nimble fingers into a mitten- wearable and useful but not altogether needed or without blemishes. So I sit with my coffee and my mind to play. How nice, at times, it can be in my world.
2 comments:
Yes, we've drunk a lot of the pungent soy sauce of goodbyes. It never feels like a real "goodbye" though.
it's low sodium, which is healthier.
I miss them too, and St. Cloud. I want to come back.
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