It's been awhile.

Ups and downs, mostly just busy. Husband has been working A LOT, Margo has decided she doesn't nap, life gets lonely and boring but tediously full of monotony and I get easily sidetracked by distraction... sometimes the buzz of a tv keeping me up at night is better than going to bed so I can have energy (that quickly fades) to wake up and start the endless cycle of feeding, cleaning, patient (or not so patient) arguing with the 3 year old, and then the end of the day glance at what I did... exactly what I do every day and there is no accomplishment or stopping, just a non-stop treadmill that will run you down if you slow your pace.

The TV drones though... they don't do anything but mask the problem.

Rather, it's like eating a donut when you're allergic to the ingredients; at the time it satisfies your hunger, it makes you smile with the sweetness, and then it rots in your gut and kills you slowly. Kills.

Distraction is that for me. I get so lonely with the repetitious days (doesn't every stay at home mom? I know they do, espeically at night when the husband is working late or too busy to interact... or not there for whatever reason) and a show that makes me laugh covers up the fact that I'm not laughing with someone; it satisfies my desire to seek out what I truly need, reationship.
But then my soul is empty. When I really need what I crave I realize I've only been starving myself...

Now, you may think, Beth, YOU KNOW THIS! But honestly, it happens so quick. Relationship is a constantly hungry belly, it needs to be fed or it will starve. Relationship is like those (annoyingly) skinny people who can never get obese no matter how much they eat; or like a teenage boy with a hollow leg... teenagers EAT man, they can seriously pack it and I am only now realizing it having recently hung out with a teen... she ATE A TON. Consistently.

Relationship- it needs to be maintained, not drowned out.

At church we are going through Hebrews and I tell ya I have some notes to share on that! One of the first sermons focused on Hebrews 2:1

So we must listen carefully to what we have heard, or we may drift away from it.

Drifting doesn't happen instantly, it is slow and not easy to recognize at first. A little here, a little there, and then suddenly we find our selves out to sea and fighting the current, even drowning, not completely understanding how we got there. Let me tell ya, it is exhausting to get back when you've been drifting. 

Heb. 2:3

So what makes us think we can escape if we ignore this great salvation...?

Lesson- don't ignore a relationship with the Lord. 

Don't.

Life is hard, punch it in the face. Just kidding, but sometimes... every other time embrace the suck and hold onto that glorious light, the ONE THING we get in this life, a relationship with the God of the Universe. 

Why do I drown that out? Because I'm tired? Because I am physically alone at night and annoyed? 

Um, dude... God of the Universe. 

G-O-D.

If that doesn't make you smile a bit, sit and contemplate the spans of  what a "universe" is... or how many of your dining room tables would it take to seat every person on the planet. Picture them lining up on your street and filling up with your neighbors, how many would it take and can you even count that high? Then think there is one God who created all those people (and knows them inside out, each one) and has enough love for them all (that's a lot of love, yo). 

Relationship- that is my sermon.

Now to go swallow my own medicine. 

(^_^)