The Journey in Progress

((As written in a morning Bible study some days ago... and published in the evening with the deceptively energizing buzz a bowl of ice cream has given me.))

How is it that what looks like suffering from the outside can actually be a victory to those in it? 

I asked this question of another mother this week after describing a particularly rough day of parenting two sassy little girls. 

It sucks when my kids talk back or throw fits (especially in public!) and it's a major bummer when they have to be disciplined; but when I'm on top of redirecting their minds towards God (and praying for their hearts), though it may look as though they are constantly getting in trouble or that mommy is a nag (and yes, it is exhausting for all of us) yet we're steadily moving towards that heavenly goal and those things that will not burn up in the fire. It's not the easily enjoyable care free family time but it's the working together to climb the mountain and not be ok with a picnic in the valley... 

How different my journey up mountains has looked lately! Free of entanglement compared to the rough few years of low income, babies, lonely parenting, deployment, and what have you... still I find struggles! How is that?

I remember when I had fire and zeal to live for Jesus. I remember praying fervently to be poured out, tossing aside worldly cares, and living as though my life didn't matter; giving most of my money to God so that I had $10 to live on groceries a week or spending as much free time as possible, even if that meant giving up sleeping hours, volunteering at church. This usually meant I ate little and went hungry more often or only slept 4-5 hours a night but it was because I wanted to be found by Him giving my very utmost. 

Fast forward to the now and I still want to give all and love Him but I'm no longer sprinting up the hill with my bags tossed off carefree and vibrant; no, now my back is heavy with cares for family, comfort, and daily concerns. My feet trudge slowly with all the mud that is clinging to my boots... and for a busy mother of small children I don't think there is any other way to climb. Still, I look back and wonder, which woman got it right? The zealous girl who loved without cares and without wisdom or the worn down with cares woman who waits to speak (at least some of the time) but might not speak at all...  

Both women sometimes slip face first into the mud... oh how I remember that zealous girl running headlong into a pot hole or over a snare! There she would sit, dazed and bewildered, and for a time completely unable to overcome and get up. But when this older muddier woman falls she falls slow, gets up slow, not having back tracked much at all but not really moving forward all that much before or after... Which one accomplishes more? Are they the same? Is it possible to live two different lives and have the same love and faith? Is it possible  neither is better than the other but that they're both working out their salvation?

And is it possible that the climbers or stagnant stayers on either side are not witnessed to by either woman? That sprinter, though she was on fire and loved whole heartedly, ran so quickly by she had no time to chat to those standing around waiting for a reason to climb... But then that muddy woman is moving so slow and is so tired from the packs she daily carries she also doesn't have much time to talk to them. 

The runner sometimes did talk and sometimes her exuberance was catching and she would see a stander start to move! 

The trudger speaks the same words but sparingly and if anyone decides to follow she hasn't noticed them... Though every once in awhile she'll see the eyes of a fellow trudger brighten and their steps lift just a bit higher and faster, almost imperceptibly. 

Which woman does the Lord want? 

Which one is doing His work? 

Perhaps both. 

Perhaps there was a season to sprint and reach the standers; perhaps now is the season to trudge and encourage other trudgers. Perhaps when my children have watched me trudge and have grown into sprinters or trudgers themselves I will again have a season of sprinting... Lord willing; I miss the fire and the zeal!! 

But then baby has been kicking and my stomach growling this whole time. The three loads of laundry to be folded have been scoffing me from the couch where I put them two days ago and there is a chicken to be cooked or else who will make dinner? The fairies? Not to mention the live chickens that need feeding and the spelling lessons we're behind on...

Oh to live a life of zeal and fire whilst being weighed down by the cares of family! 

Oh to live a life of joyous love whilst being exhausted and muddy! 

Raise your coffees mommas- to finding our callings and remembering Who called us and His love for us through both running and trudging, how great is His love! 

Never forget.

Cheers.