One year ago...

  I sit alone in my empty apartment and dwell on many troublesome thoughts; problems that can't be solved and matters of the heart that must be worked out by prayer, patience, and love- three things I tend to struggle over and seem to have very little of. My itunes library is playing on random and a song suddenly comes on that a year ago I used to hear a lot of; and then I remember where I was a year ago...

  A year ago I was sitting alone crying and trying to make sense of conflicting emotions- my husband was at basic training for 15 weeks and though our marriage of a year had been rocky somehow when he was gone I discovered I was much more attached to him (in so many ways) than I thought I was. My sister was with me but hardly knew how to comfort me (though, dear heart, she did try and succeeded sometimes) and it was her song that was playing... the chorus goes "good-bye my long lost lover, good-bye my hopeless dream...". It makes me smile to think of it now, how I hated that song! Yet she played it often because for her it had sentimental value and it was a well put together piece of music too.

  Thinking of my loneliness of then, helps me appreciate the now. All of a sudden some of my troublesome thoughts are laid to rest without much effort, what really are struggles of marriage compared to being alone? Perhaps, on long empty nights when my husband is away at drill, I understand a bit better what it means when God allows hard (and/or bad) things to happen in your life so that you will grow- I have a monthly reminder that I could be alone instead of dealing with the hardships of marriage.

  Sometimes, it can be very beneficial to keep journals and take time to look back at where you were, remember the journey from the then to the now, and thank God for how he has held you through it all.

  Thank you Lord.

  Quiet the other troublesome thoughts that only yell more loudly for no one to talk to but You and please help me through one more lonely night.

  Amen.