A good day.

My thoughts are jumbled and my letter 'A' is sticking.
I would wish to not be so tired right now; to organize my thoughts in pretty little bundles of letters on a page as I used to do (or at least I liked some of what I wrote), but I remember those times as being intensely lonely and useless. I still feel useless, but my girls are my joy and for better or worse I spend every day with them making memories... I'll trade fleeting thoughts and burnable pages, as well as sleep, wrinkles, and fat, for that- for time with them.
But onto the thoughts on today.

Today we talked to husband.
Yesterday we talked to him too- he was in Iraq and didn't know when he would be going back to Kuwait but it wasn't a good connection so I prayed with Margo this morning that we would be able to talk to him today and for a little over an hour (with only a few interruptions) that is exactly what we did.

I realize this blog has just become somewhat of a whiny one tuned guitar (probably more of a violin...) so I wanted to come write about how awesome my life is right now on a (somewhat) really great day.
OK to be honest it started out hard because Margaret was testing me on everything. Literally, I said don't touch the baby in the swing (because the baby likes to sleep in and Margo likes to scream HI BABY in her face as early as 5:40am so she was a bit crabby and trying to fall asleep) and Margaret looked at me sideways and with one pointer finger touched the baby while watching me.
I thought I had a few more years, or at least months, before that kind of retaliation happened.
Oh and she started lashing out in hitting and kicking me when I take things away from her like my bag she grabbed and started whipping around expressly because I told her not to touch it. She was a bit maniacal about it.

BUT- after nap Margo woke up happy! And even wanted to eat an early dinner! As she sat in her chair she told Oma and Opa to "sit down here, eat Mangne!" which means eat with me. :)
And then right before bed I held Ella in my lap and read stories to Margo after a nice long chat with Daddy.

I realized at that point, I love them to death and right now I am really enjoying my life. :) Of course, some days I wouldn't enjoy it at all without some coffee and chocolate... yesterday I had chocolate ice cream and white wine at 2pm but not because I had a bad day; no, it was because I was having a good day and it was nap time, my happy hour.

God has really blessed me. I would like to learn to have a thankful heart and stand apart from people in circumstance similar to mine; I would like for someone to look at me and ask what it is that is different, Who is it, or Whom, that makes me smile (albeit tiredly and maybe with a sigh) when Margo has her crazy days and its been almost a week since we heard anything from Daddy.

Also I am learning some things about deployment sanity:
-you can't let your mind go to what you're missing (or they're missing)
-make the best of your time; in the lonely night hours do something you wouldn't have done if you weren't alone... for me it is sew or dance or workout (bleh)
-put the hours of thinking or wondering about your other half into praying or making a box of goodies to send to them
-remember to bring them up in everyday conversation with the littles
-take time every week, maybe every day, to cry... but don't indulge in pity parties, just cry
-pray and read the Word more... don't fill the time with netflix (this I am learning from experience- prayer and word=sanity and peace whilst netflix=wasted time and crabby momma

It really is hard to keep a running thought with dishes in front of you, your thoughts tired and a loud clock reminding you every second of the sleep you are missing out on, and a stupid A that sticks.
Leave with this: I am happy and thankful for the time God is giving me with my darlings. I am praying husband and I use this unique opportunity to grow uniquely. I am trying to make the best of each day and at least once in the day I succeed. (lol)
Please fill in the blanks between the awkwardly thrown together paragraphs accordingly.