Spew.

Perhaps it is stress, perhaps it is age, but for whatever reason life seems like the biggest trial to endure. How sweet the precious moments with babies and lovers and dear family or friends but yet it is always bitter because you know as soon as you enjoy the moment it will be coming to an end and then there is good bye and the unknown.

I've always hated the word endurance because I've always been horrible at it but recently I've wanted to take up running (though the last time I ran was in high school and my best time was an 11 minute mile! WOW that was just a few months short of a decade ago) because life, if summed up in one word, would be endurance. Rather, endured. Life was endured, or endure life.
There is nothing that lasts here- no lasting peace or joy- even God's mercy is new every morning (thankfully) but that means every morning I wake up to the battle for time to seek it out. Not really time, actually, but whine for it seems the kids get extra whiney and wake up extra early EVERY time I set my heart towards the Lord in the morning.

Endure.

Sometimes I sit and think about what this life is really about- am I working towards any goal at all? Is there a reason for why we fight everything against us to live out our lives? Just to live? In the end there really is no new thing under the sun- every person who ever lived (but One) is their own personal version of the same story; over and over and over again.

"It's love."

When I really get down to "the nitty gritty", and let me tell ya in the pit of my mind it gets pretty nitty, there is only one reason why we are here. To love and be loved. It is a messed up system, and humans chose it. HUMANS, I say, because it's all the same story if only our own versions... every person who ever lived (but One) would've eaten the fruit in the garden so I can't blame Adam and Eve.

So we fight every day against everything with only a few breezes here and there for refreshment. I fight  time and my self- oh what an antagonist self is! Though I know what is right I do not do it. I fight time and illness for my children; dirt and clutter in my home; hunger, need and bills for my family; in prayer, for the awful tragedies that threaten to destroy our country... even more than our budget. Well, almost.

Every day is a battle I am on the verge of losing- always standing on the precipice of failing- but I am still fighting.

Well, that's something.

Cheers to endurance.
Cheers to the one day when that 'but One' will relieve us from ever having to endure again.