Reiterate.

I've been wanting to write again for awhile... So many things learned and observed then stored and forgotten in the sudsy bubbles of dishes and leftover dinner, brainless scanning of Facebook, crayon art where it shouldn't be, trips to the potty as well as missed trips to the potty and in trying to diligently learn how to put on the teacher role of homeschooling. I'm pretty sure that sentence needs restructuring and grammar control; forgive me mother.

Husband and I had a big fight last week; it seemed to eclipse the world. Didn't anyone else notice that shadow falling on life itself like blight falling on a crop or a swarm of locusts descending?!

Later, working things out, I said "I just don't know" and dancingly Margo came in (because a little girl with an imagination who thinks she may just be a princess dances into rooms... or charges as if going into battle) and yelled "God knows!! God knows everything."

How encouraging the faith of a child! Questions about God don't plague her, though questions seem to encumber every OTHER little thing she does (or is supposed to be doing), because God is just fact. He is everything and knows all and loves her as a fact.

At night when I go to bed I'm thinking about what I did wrong, praying somehow someone, ANYONE, saw something Good in me that day. Mostly, hoping my kids weren't messed up by my sin. On days that I took "a day off" (which means I let the kids watch a movie or two, only did half the dishes and played video games when everyone was asleep) I lie in bed wondering if my life is passing me by...

But when that little girl logic comes out saying truth about God I'm encouraged: He loves them. All of them; everyone I interacted and possibly screwed up today. Even me.

Perhaps that should be "especially me" since when it comes right to it, if I really meditate on the God of the universe loving me and walk through all my questions, failings, and deep recesses of thought I  might just find areas of "you don't add up" or "you're failing here" which is not covered by love...  but He does and it is, actually, covered. It just takes some time to dig those recesses out.

Spring cleaning of the mind.

God knows everything.
God knows everything... God loves you.

In the end the locusts did some damage, but when the eclipse ended we planted again and marriage continues to be the uniting of two separate people... covered by God's love and grace. Haha, and mercy.

Thankfully that merciful God also continues to plant beautiful flowers of truth in the mind of my sweet little girl and together we're learning how to live for Him.