A Narrative

Today we have colds. ALLLL of us. Well, I am mostly spared... just slightly congested but only enough to make me more tired and have a tissue on hand.

The others though... snot all over, whining, headaches, and poor sleeping habits.

It has caused some quiet contemplation on my part but to get to the point I have to set the stage and it's a bit long and real and my honest opinions and perceptions... ah well, here it goes anyhow.


Yesterday morning husband went to the dollar store and came back with treats and candy for the kids. Normally I balk at the load of sugar he presented but I didn't want to shut him down so they gleefully partook and I, with much chagrin, wondered what their immune system would do with such an overload.

Then, in the afternoon, husband took to making lunch for us all. There was not a vegetable in sight but it was very yummy. The entire time he cooked I sat at the table holding a baby and putzing on my computer, resting, while he made jokes and comments about how he was slaving away to make lunch so I could live the dream. It was funny, but it was also hurtful and annoying and I told him as much. Finally he came to the table and said "you guys are lucky because I was just going to make something for myself". It was said in jest, but I replied "You mean you went to the kitchen and made something for everyone? Like I do for every meal and snack I have?" in all seriousness.

I think I had reached my limit of jokes.

Afterward, I cleaned the kitchen.

The evening was relaxing as we played dominoes together as a family, I put the kids to bed, husband re-put the kids to bed when they wouldn't sleep, I worked on Christmas presents and we played a computer game together before giving it up because the baby was awake again.

This morning was going as most Sunday mornings go- husband slept past his alarm, the kids were whining because they didn't want to go to church, and I juggled getting them ready, myself ready, the baby, and breakfast. With about 10 minutes to go before "get in the car" time I realized husband probably wasn't getting up (he gets headaches and I figured that's what it was before I knew about the cold) and I said as much to the kids "I don't think Daddy wants to go to church because he hasn't got out of bed yet." Innocently (and accurately) said, but some minutes later we were in the bedroom fighting over how I didn't discuss it with him or say something positive and how I had been yelling at the kids all morning. The last one clued me in to how he must be feeling as I had not been yelling all morning and when asked the girls said I seemed happy and they didn't think I was yelling (and believe me, Margo especially is quick to to tell me my faults) so I knew it was a perception rather than the truth. Some words later, said exasperatedly, he yelled, I called him a jackass, we had a quiet moment and I apologized, asked him if he needed anything, and when he continued to be quiet I left.

So we didn't go to church and the girls were very happy and relieved. The girls and I had a short discussion about why we go to church but I don't think anything went past their focus of continuing the game of ponies in their room.
As I cut up garlic for the soup and made tea for the kids I mulled over the last two days and how I can be an example to them of how to live for Christ. What is my sacrifice in this life? I don't have to rely on every meal from God (though He provides and I know it's His provision, I don't go hungry waiting for it). I don't have people waiting and watching me to see if I live my faith so that they can threaten my life. In fact, my life is pretty dang easy right now. It has its trials but they are all selfish... I don't get sleep at night because I have a beautiful baby and I stay up too late spending time with a man I love or I struggle with patience when doing school with my kids because they get to stay home and I get to teach them as I've always wanted to, spending more time watching them grow up. Where is my sacrifice? What is my cross?

But the fruit of the Spirit were not mine this morning and I wonder, am I living like Christ towards my often selfish and hard to live with husband? Am I living love towards my children when their fighting overwhelms me and their whining drives me crazy?

Sure I don't live in a flood plain but I have a constant dripping in my life... am I enduring the drip?


So thus in a time when everyone else is being needy, selfish, and even rude I am the one left repenting... thankful for the conviction and encouraged to have a purpose; thankful to have the scales off my eyes for a moment so I can accurately see my own baseness and need for Jesus. So I can know how to pray, what to fill my mind with, and what to put my effort into practicing.


Today I practice praying and lifting up the people I love who sometimes drive me crazy.

To embracing our individual crosses and growing where we're at, Cheers!