Backwards?!

Well, I had an ultrasound on Friday and they said I was 6 wks preggo. Interesting. That means, according to the Dr's, I tested positive at ONE WEEK PREGNANT. Hmmmm.... it waits to be seen how pregnant I am, but be assured I am pregnant so EVENTUALLY there will be a new baby. I still think, by my calculations and my ovulation cycle (sorry for that girly term guys) I am at the very least at the end of my 10th week, perhaps my baby is just measuring small.

Anyways, on the physical front nausea has not relented and I have been sick a lot. Today I had either coke or crackers in my mouth ALL FREAKIN DAY. I swear I'm going to be HUGE if this keeps up. I tried to stop eating but every time I took a break, or tried things like gum, I was at the sink gagging and trying desperately to keep it down. On the bright side, at least I can keep it at bay with cheez-its. :) Last week was a different story...

On a beautiful note, my husband has really stepped up to the plate to bless me lately. I can't tell you how awesome he has been, but its been awesome.

Captain Awesome Hottie Pants.

For real.

On Saturday I was lamenting another 4am wake up with girly (who is getting weaned soon! scary since she nurses as much as she did when she was 7 months old... it won't be easy) and he announced to me he was going somewhere for the next 3 hours and leaving me without a car and with a crabby baby. Bleh. But then, just when my story started to get ugly, he came up the stairs with a halo around his head and said something like 'honey, why don't I take Margo with me and she can hang out with your mom while I do my thing'. I swear I heard angels singing! He has NEVER taken the baby for a day. He has NEVER had the baby for more than 4 hours and even then I think this is the first time he has had her awake; I usually put her to bed and then do whatever thing I have planned.

It. was. amazing.

I had the whole day to myself to clean (of course!), cook, be sick, be tired, rest, etc. and not deal with a single tantrum.

Also on his list of good things: he got me a new computer, well its old and it was a score of only $100 but considering how much he has sunk into the pothole of computer destruction me (and my one year old I shouldn't let near electronics but always do), considering that it was quite selfless of him.

Also he has been very understanding of my being sick and gets food if need be.

Also he has started helping me with the sleep problem our kid has. :)

So anyway, no pictures until I find out how to recover the lost pictures on dead-by-coffee-computer, and sorry but this is the best I can come up with for a blog... I have been thinking of death a lot lately again but my feelings and thoughts are unresolved. A friend's dad died and a few hours before that our pastor gave a sermon on the passage of Lazarus but even hearing the awesome message I just don't understand... it seems even this side of the cross death just sucks and hurts, there is no logic but that it is one of the consequences of sin. I don't fear death, but I fear leaving my daughter to grow up without me and more than that I fear losing those I love to death. I am not sure where the line is, with the little one sleeping in the next room and the little one growing inside me, of holding them too close and holding them up to God saying "they are Yours".

And that is just a small blip of what has been going on in my head about death the last few days. Funny, since my sister is due to have her baby this week... but perhaps the juxtaposition is part of the answer. :)