War (if you've spent anytime at the spiritual front I think you will understand)

For awhile now I've been feeling like I should prepare for something, building my defenses in scripture and prayer, but I don't know exactly what or when its coming. Lately its felt like I've been in training camp for so long that I am no longer learning anything and for every brick I put on the wall of defense two others fall off... though early pregnancy is taking a toll on me physically which always affects me emotionally and thus clouds all reality so perhaps I'm not as bad off spiritually as I think.

Today I feel on guard. There is a taste of anticipation in my mouth and my senses feel heightened as though the battle I've been expecting is just around the corner, perhaps even today.

I'm not sure what it means but I'm a bit scared by these feelings, I don't think they are a figment of imagination or hyped up hormones (of which I do have more than enough these days), its a spiritual tension I've long felt is coming.

As I sit here wondering if I am ready for it to break I wonder if this is how Christians expecting persecution in the old days, like when the Nazis attacked, felt- I'm so inadequate and easily swayed by emotions, can I fight these verbal and physical battles knowing they're really only spiritual battles? Thank God He reminds me His strength is made perfect in weakness and His grace is sufficient... and that the preparations of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.

I have prepared; I hope it is enough.