It is hard for me to be thankful right now. I know the Lord is taking care of us, I know He's given us a great place to live for awhile and awesome fellowship with the family we are staying with, yet a full month in a place without a kitchen is torturous to a homebody avid baker and food maker as myself... even the crockpot is packed away somewhere and I have no idea where most of my stuff is- such as my sewing for fixing the new hole in husband's pants. Even if I did know though, I cannot lift anything and even walking is growing painful. I do not WANT to be here Lord!
Yet the fact is He answered my, if not fervent then at least often repeated, prayers of yesterday and gave us word on the house. Even though husband and I have a hard time finding alone time because we don't have a private bedroom... or any room but the bathroom... we've been forced to grow a little and actually spend more time talking together than we did in our apartment when I could go to sleep while he stayed up playing video games, etc. That itself is an answered prayer of mine as well, why do I always begrudge God for answering my prayers if it costs me something? I hate free gifts, I would rather earn them, but when it comes to God I expect everything- especially learning patience and stuffs like that- to be free.
Life is uncomfortable right now. Still I know I should be thankful because God is working. Last time I had just a day to feel sorry for myself I ended up getting a ticket and having the worst day ever... but every other minute is a battle today, to be thankful and purposely put away my disappointment and annoyance and tell my soul to not be downcast... I suppose thats exactly what David(actually it was the sons of Korah...) was going through when he wrote that Psalm; otherwise why would he keep repeating that phrase throughout the Psalm? At least I am not alone in my struggles; at least I am struggling.
Everybody hates a complainer though and my *favorite*-everyone tries to contradict and tell them they shouldn't be upset... but the fact is I am. I don't want to be moving into a house a week and a half from my due date. Yet I know God can still change the date and even better, I can learn to be thankful and praise Him through my storms. So even though I can't really find a happy note to leave on (as much as hearing about the house is a happy note I feel it is precarious to rejoice before the key is in hand- we've been there before), know that I am not allowing myself to settle for discontentment either.
1 comment:
Sweet, you've got a house! Any pictures?
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