Still my temper gets the best of me and (dramatic as I am) instead of getting up after falling 30 times I get to the 11th time and decide to stay down because I can never get over this fault in my person.
Following a day of dragging my feet in this muck, I had a day of productivity. Baby was happy most of the day but at one point she started to get a bit crabby so (as my mother taught me to do) I sang to her and one of the songs was Philipians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". As if on cue 2 Timothy 2:13 popped into my head: "If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself" and I was presented with the contradiction of what I truly believe and what I was living.
I still feel hopeless. Dang feelings- God uses them to be sure, I could not be a good mother without them, but oh what terrorists they can be! They pretend to have guns, like the washed out middle age man with a mostache pretending to be macho, and take over my logic; pathetically, all I do to fight them is cry about the injustice. Wimp.
When I am weak He is strong, well here we go again. I think I begin to truly long for heaven... there will be no sin!! This is dang hard. Nothing I feel is legit, real as it may be. But then perhaps this is real faith... completely blinded by my feelings I am grabbing hold of Christ to lead me to whats real.
Does anyone else have these arguments in their heads??
2 comments:
Yes! Though not about the same things, and not as bad right now as I have before. Poetry helped me, in part because I wrote poetry based on scriptures that applied to my struggles, and it helped me think them out without demonizing emotions.
So - your feelings look like Uncle Rico?
yes. we have to keep walking, even if it's more like blundering. keep on!
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