And the answer is...

Well I guess I just needed to talk it all out because I think I have an answer in the form of two scriptures that came to me... John 20:24-29 is the story of doubting Thomas who didn't believe Jesus rose because he couldn't see Him. What is fear but doubt? I mean really, the God of the universe? (smirk ashamedly) As if He doesn't have the power and the all knowing, much less the compassion, to care for His kid when she is alone and scared... wouldn't I do as much and more (if I could) for my dear Margo!

And then Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

I have a hard time trusting God and understand death and why bad things happen, but when it all boils down I think its really because I don't have faith... if I could see God would I doubt at all His heart towards us and why He lets things happen? I doubt it (hahaha).

Well anyway, this weekend I am going to try to sleep peacefully... and I suppose I'll leave my katana on the wall instead of under my pillow... :)