Humbled

Elias Orion was born 5 months ago to some dear friends of ours. 


On Monday he stopped breathing and yesterday he went brain dead. I suppose technically he was gone- but I couldn't give up hope yet! I just couldn't... I am struggling with the point of prayer and our role as believers in praying.
The Bible says:
"And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Confess [your] trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." James 5:15-16


If this is true- which I believe it is- then why when so many HUNDREDS of people all over the United States were praying for Elias did this happen? I am righteous by Jesus' blood and I fervently prayed. Is it prideful to think my prayer could make a difference or is it faith to think my God hears me when I pray and beg? 
Maybe it is just pride... it looks like that when I write it.


Moreover God says:
"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you." John 15:7
And the well known:
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."


It seems as though the Lord has not chosen to save Elias; was it for naught that we prayed for him? Was God's will for him to die all along and nothing we were to say or do would change His heart? I know God's will is perfect and I cannot understand it- how can I when He stands outside of time and I am limited- but what the heck is prayer for then?


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Today they took him off of life support and Elias... I can't even write it.
I still believe God is God. I know it in the depths of my soul.
Perhaps in the end God did answer our prayers of perfectly healing Elias by taking him back to Heaven. 


Out of all this I do not see the why yet, but through it all a little 5 month old has caused questions to be asked, seeking to be done, and revival to start in hearts- and that is not a little thing. God is glorified. 


My arms have never held Elias, but they ache for my friends who know his weight, his smell, his smiles and fat rolls by heart and will not know him again this side of heaven. How hard it is to be left behind- Oh God! 


Even Jesus wept.


I am thoroughly humbled.
Humbled by my God, whom I don't understand...
Humbled by His love I know surrounds the hurting and broken...
Humbled by my dear friends...
Humbled by my understanding and the lack of it...
Humbled by my own helplessness.


To God be the glory forever and forever.
Oh Lord come soon.