Man it sure does suck after you sin big time. How heavy the guilt weighs! I should've known better, I wish I was a better person, is this how I represent how Awesome God is?

Open wounds fester, they are an ugly thing to behold and mine is bare before everyone it seems... but worst of all its before my husband. I think, through all this, I've been the one more hurt and how horrible is it that I've been hurting myself.

Still worse then that is the thought of Jesus dieing for me before I was born bearing all the guilt and shame I feel right now for what I was going to do... and I'm only 24 with an entire life of sin to still pile on Him. How great is His forgiveness indeed!! What a God to die for us bearing our pain for what we deserve... the more wretched I am the more awesome it makes His sacrifice.

Oh Lord help me to see your forgiveness beyond what I feel and live in Your grace and not wallow in my guilt... forgiven and free, Lord please teach me to hold my tongue and my temper!

AMEN.