In the Waiting Room

The hardest part about being in the waiting room is... well... maybe there are compartments of hard that are equal and not just one hard part.

It is hard to wait and be diligent to not be lazy when waiting.

At first, when a trial first comes, it can be a struggle to call on the Lord and trust Him through the storm but when you get past that first hump it becomes a time when waiting on Him and committing every fear to Him is the easiest it has ever been in Your life. For a time it is relieving to read the Word and pray as if your life depended on it, as if He were your only lover and friend in the world.

But then time passes and pretty soon you find yourself waiting... for answers, for something to happen, for good or bad... just... waiting! It is then that the fervent prayers you've been praying for hours, or days, or weeks- or even years- start to get stale and the Bread that seemed so fresh, nutritious, airy and light is suddenly familiarly lifeless and crusty. Even though you know what is right and true, even when you read refreshing Words of light, all your spirit feels is restless and waiting...

And then there is the unknown. What to prepare for. Should you be apprehensive and ready for trial? Should you be expecting a miracle and excited? And what are you to do with the emotions, the discontent and discouragement, that cloud your vision with tears?

I am in the waiting room right now in ways I have never been before. I am waiting to know where we will live with the only sure knowledge of the near future being that come April 30th we are leaving our current home. I am waiting to get ready for baby without knowing if I should prepare for a house that also needs a lot of attention or an apartment that will be more work to wash diapers in... I am waiting here knowing in less than two years my husband will be deployed and I will be left to raise our daughter without her father for at least a year.

YET... I am at peace. I have never been in the waiting room before and been this at peace. I know God has our living situation worked out already, we are just waiting to find out what He has for us. I know He'll give me the energy I need to get a house or an apartment ready for baby; and He'll give me the resources too... we've never gone without and if the birds of the air have no worries, why should I? I also know that He will show me day by day how to raise my daughter, with or without her Daddy present. I have never had this much peace before and it is awesome.

But now I must go and stop being lazy. There is a lot going on in our lives and yet there is a lot NOT going on too... so, rather, there is much we are waiting and preparing for knowing there is calm before a storm but not knowing from what direction that storm is coming from... there is much we are waiting for.

Baby also has a name now- I hope I do not slip and say it! Husband picked it out and I think it is beautiful (though a little on the simple side). At night before we go to sleep he'll put his hand on my belly and we'll talk about her and to her... it is such a sweet time for our family to have. If you ever have kids I recommend keeping the name a secret- it is such a special thing for the three of us to have for awhile. Though if your parents/in-laws have high blood pressure I would definitely share it... my Mother does not but it is still driving her crazy. =)