There are always two sides to every coin, even if they're identical.

Today started out terribly. I was at my wits end and had thrown a tantrum and stomped my feet till my shins hurt, being careful not to show this to baby, all before 9 am. By that time I was as disgusted with myself, perhaps more, then I was at the uncontrollable circumstance that had led me to that point... so I opened my Bible.

Have you ever been a little hungry but you didn't know it until you ate a piece of chocolate or something and suddenly it was like a shadow lifted from behind your eyebrows- you could see the world as though someone had just washed the window you'd been looking through and you realized it had been streaky and grimy before that because you were losing energy? That's how the Word tasted to me this morning. As soon as I started to read it my whole body felt lighter and it was like 'honey on my tongue'. Sweet, delicious, delicate yet firm I was invigorated and renewed. Beautiful.

On another note, when I was in college one of my teachers (professors?) often quoted "No man is an island" by John something or other important to US history... it runs through my mind as I look back at my childhood friends. We are all growing up, moving away, getting married, having kids and although I was the first of us to start the process it still feels sad and a bit wrong that none of us are who we used to be... We'll never be the girls dancing to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack; running away from orphanages; throwing ridiculous sleepovers; taking pictures in the snow and making stupid jokes that last for forever... No, it doesn't seem right. I feel a bit like an island.

Somehow it feels as if I were the little ballerina in a music box just twirling around in a circle as the world flies by me, waiting for someone to wind up the side of the box so it will all start over again; nothing in my world is quite as real as it should be.

Ah but perhaps that is just my mortality finally showing itself alive and well. I am, after all, 24 and that is about the age you discover life will have an end and you won't always be young and strong right? Perhaps it is my mid-20's crisis (I do hope its not "middle age" crisis).

Though to be completely honest I've had moments like this before and it usually leads to depression, hating God for life messed up as I know it, reading the Word, realizing the truth, and a renewed vigor to live for Christ. I think this time I'll just skip to the end... perhaps it is nice to grow older (and wiser) after all.

(ha ha- and please feel free to leave positive or negative comments... the latter are usually the more interesting ones anyway Judah)