OH MY WORD.
I just had an eye opening experience. Sometimes I think God uses interesting, if not to say weird, channels to open our eyes- my heart I would say has been overwhelmed and I have been trying to learn how to give Him my stresses but the only real places I whine about it (I hope I have not deceived myself) are to my poor Mom (who thankfully is wise and tells me things like go read your Bible) and here; but today I was especially emotional and feeling the stress and then a friend of mine came to me to complain about her life.
Wow.
I realized just how annoying whining is.
When I say "just had" I mean I talked with her several hours ago and have been musing the conversation over and over, praying God would use it and open my eyes to my faults.
She came to me to whine and I listened and had sympathetic comments at first but then I told her straight up though I understand her position (in regards to the reality of it being hard) I don't condone her 'the grass is greener' attitude and she immediately told me I could not possibly understand, I have a hard heart, I am hard to talk to, etc.
I got off that chat asap let me tell ya!
After a few hours of praying, rereading the conversation and also talking it over with my husband I have a very clear conscience but a hardness has entered my heart- I do NOT want to have a whiny attitude about this next year! Oh LORD how this instance has solidified a desire to see Your work done in my heart and life this next year!
I know God uses hard circumstances to get through our thick human skulls though I am sure He would rather not; as a parent I am SURE my God would rather not use the hard circumstance but as my toddler often chooses the hard painful way of obedience so does her Momma! So I am looking forward to not having any of my own strength to lean on (especially in labor, etc. when my husband may or may not be there)** and learning to lean on God... moreover I am looking forward, really, to having Him in my daily life! Perhaps it is the way of a Mom with small children, but man oh man I feel I am NEVER a witness... and I am still annoyed with that rude driver in the parking lot the other day so I don't think it's an exaggeration, unfortunately. When it comes to salespeople, coupons, drivers, and basically every chance a SAHM has of turning the cheek and being a witness I usually side with the world's view of "my rights".
I can't tell you how disgusted I've become with it!
Really I wish I couldn't.
So there.
In my busy week God sent me my dear dear friend today to sit with me all day and we talked about our messy hearts- do not be anxious in anything but in prayer and petition with thanksgiving ask of God (that butchering from memory) she challenged me and I really really really hope and pray this year, as hard as it is, makes a witness of my life.
And then the other friend came to me to whine and what God started in my heart by one friend's exhortation He solidified (I hope; and not to say He sent her for it, but that He used it) by the other's bad example.
We do still need a name for the baby though, I have a few names I call her in my head but I am praying God sends the name to husband rather than me; I so want him to feel connected to this baby and I am not only unsure of his ability to be at the birth but at the communication level I will have with him so (in answer to Sarah, though thanks for your encouragement!) it would be a bummer to name her by myself if we wait until the day she comes.
**just to be clear, though I look forward to how God will use the times I have no strength of my own such as labor, that is not to say my heart is ready for it nor has it ceased to be a stress just because I am trying to give it to Him. It is a stressful situation (if only you could see how much I have on my plate) and I don't think that will go away at all, but my attitude doesn't have to focus on it and I think that is the only thing I can really change about it- where I have my eyes focused on, my own troubles or what God will do with it!
2 comments:
That's amazing. I'm so glad that God is teaching you through all of this. I heard it said yesterday that if God gave us everything we wanted for our lives, then he wouldn't be very loving. But he IS loving. And he is HOLY on top of that. And he knows what we need to go through to learn and be able to be closer to him. It's discipline (read: NOT punishment) that we learn from. Discipline isn't punishment for a past act or decision, but it's preparation for one to come.
Man... I'm just blown away by God's faithfulness. :-)
Again - SO glad to hear you are growing, and I'm with you on this one. I want to GROW this next year, not just enjoy 365 days of "pity party" with myself.
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