I am so uncomfortable this pregnancy. REALLY. I mean I suppose it could be worse, but there are moments when i move my legs the wrong way and I have to stop and breath because the baby is bearing down so hard... and then there are days like today when she flips into weird positions (perhaps because she has too much room with how stretched out and fat I am?! I suppose some of it is gas too) and its just plain 'ol painful. Like being nauseous with pain in the belly area...
Yet the closer we get to June the more anxious I am getting... trying not to be, trying to pray about it...
Ok so here is the schedule so far:
Move out of my home and an hour south into my parents house the first weekend of May.
Husband leaves for training two hours north of that for two weeks on the 11th.
Husband leaves for training in WI on the 26th for a month (or so).
Baby is due in mid-June... where to have baby?!?!?!?!
I had Margo in a smaller town two hours north of where I will be living in a nice quiet secluded birthing center with not much staff and even less traffic; my kind of place.
So far my options within an hour driving distance (and all are at least 20 minutes out) are hospitals in the big city and some very very good ones too but with high ratios of traffic and the nicer ones are ginormous. This is not terrible, but husband may not be able to leave training (there is a chance that he won't and actually we haven't heard anything assuring us that he will be able to leave but I still try to look at it as a chance to stay positive) so it would be me and... well I suppose my mom (which is comforting but there is something about a mother, its like when she is there I don't have to hold things together because she is there so last labor I didn't let her talk at all because if I had heard her voice my emotions would NOT stay in check during contractions!)... a doctor I don't know...
Ugh nothing about this reassures me that I can do this.
I am scared of labor right now; I want to be in familiar place or with familiar people or have SOME kind of normalcy so I can focus on delivery... my mind is not prepared at all and I only have 3 months to prepare for baby, move, prepare for deployment, and find a hospital.
Bug.
Turns out the world is a big place and I am not sure I feel comfortable leaving my little hole to go out into it.
3 comments:
I can't imagine... that's a LOT of change at one time. I'll be praying for you, dear. And praying for peace in your situation above anything else. :-D
Thanks- haha, though I have to admit I was a little annoyed with God today because I was reading my Bible and I felt peace but I still had no answers which was rather perturbing since I still had to answer questions.
I am going to blame that one on dang hormones, since it isn't very logical.
Interesting that you feel peace without answers. At least that is assurance it can only come from God. I can't imagine how overwhelming all that change must be. I guess in situations like that you can only cling to God as your constant but I know how difficult that is!
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